Courts Benefit from False Accusations of Abuse

Divorce or separation is a tough situation for any family to deal with. Adjusting to change and learning to cope with a child not being in your home everyday may cause a parent to develop a high level of anxiety. What this often does is lead to badmouthing the other parent or Alienating the parent to keep the child away from them.

Badmouthing another parent to the child is a form of child abuse, which goes unpunished most of the time. During a custody battle, it is quite common for one parent to accuse the other of sexual misconduct, child abuse, drug abuse, or any other act that may present the persona that the person is incapable of dealing with a child. Most of the time, these allegations are unfounded, however it does not mean that they are without consequences for the accused parent.

Parental alienation often begins with a distorted view of the other parent as soon as they are no longer living in the home. While this parent was living in the home, they were the best parent anyone could imagine. The home was flooded with family photos from school events and vacations. The parents were both viewed highly by all of their children. As soon as one parent moves out, these photographs and these views all become an illusion.

Instantly, the parent becomes the bad person. Remember that time she abused you? Remember that time he touched you where he wasn’t supposed to? These parents then begin brainwashing the children. The children, depending on their age, may begin to believe the parent. Suddenly they are filled with memories of events that never happened. And it is time for the parent to file for custody and keep the other parent away because of all the harm they have done.

It is a difficult situation to deal with and it is not one that is new to any court system in the United States. Determining what is real from make believe is often a difficult task for court workers, mediators and psychologists, but there are some key signs they look out for.

Psychologists are educated on how children at different ages act. They know if something they say is what they actually believe or if it is what they were told to believe. The choice of words expressed is often a telling detail in any custody situation where there is an accusation of abuse. This is not always the case though. Sometimes it is far more difficult for court workers to determine truth from make believe, but when they do it is supposed to result in negative repercussions for the parent who made the false accusations.

States all over the United States have a form of “punishment” for those individuals caught making false accusations in order to prevent or frustrate custody and visitation. These laws are incorporated into a family law system, but they are often ignored. This results in a situation where a custodial parent can continue to brainwash a child and completely cut off the noncustodial parent. It is almost as if court systems neglect the best interest of the child and allow this abuse to continue.

Badmouthing another parent is a form of child abuse. Not because it harms the child directly in a physical manner, but because it causes the child to have problems developing mentally. It causes the child to suffer from false memories of abuse or bad parenting, and they begin having problems separating fact from fiction.

These situations should cause a reform in the justice system, or so you would think. But why does the justice system fail to protect the sanctity of a family? Because this form of protection is not beneficial for a court system. Court systems make their money by keeping the parents away from the child. The parent fighting for time with their child is going to spend more money on court hearings, more money on legal support, and more money to implement a psychological evaluation or anything else that is necessary to prove they are a fit parent.

Most of the time, parents give up because it seems like an endless and hopeless battle which makes the court system a winner. Why? Because at this point, the court system is able to award the custodial parent the maximum amount of child support possible. The court system is then provided a “price match” from the federal government for every dollar earned from child support to continue to build up the court system and use these tactics against other good and deserving parents. Then, if the parent is unable to pay the child support, it collects interest. Often, this interest is between 5% and 15%, which is now owed by the noncustodial parent to the state. It is a sick joke and a horrible reason to keep parents out of their children’s lives.

Virtual Visitation for Distant Parents

When one parent moves a child to another state after divorce or separation, it can wreak havoc for the absent parent as well as the child. More courts are recognizing distance as a barrier to constant visitation, which is why they are implementing virtual visitation into a vast number of orders.

Virtual Visitation is a term used to describe visitation between a child and the noncustodial parent utilizing web chat programs and microphone communication. Some options for Virtual Visitation are Skype, ooVoo, Yahoo! Messenger, or Facebook Video Chat.

Virtual Visitation enables parents and children to have face-time together where they can play games online, work on school projects and homework together, or talk face-to-face about anything when it would otherwise be impossible to do.

The first state to enact laws regarding Virtual Visitation was Texas. Since the enactment in 2007, Florida, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Illinois have also passed laws on this topic. As of May 2012, twenty-two other states are in the process of drafting and enacting Virtual Visitation laws to make it a real option in custody, visitation or dissolution proceedings.

Although Virtual Visitation is not a substitute for personal contact or visitation between a parent and their child, it does provide a child the psychological benefit of having constant communication and contact with a parent that lives far away. This option provides great benefits for deployed parents or those who have to travel for business.

With all of the advances in technology, Virtual Visitation is sure to be a form of visitation that will be implemented in every state throughout the entire United States within the next year or two. Courts generally focus on creating and maintaining strong bonds between both parents and their children. This will provide them another possible opportunity to encourage the bond.

Recognizing Parental Alienation Syndrome

During divorce or separation where children are involved, they often suffer more than the parents. A divorce or separation is often viewed as a loss of emotion or devotion to a family. Depending on the age of the child, it may be extremely difficult to understand what is going on. Due to a lack of understanding, the child often confides in the parent in which they live with to determine where their other parent went, why they left, and how it will affect them. This creates a difficult situation for the parent, where they may resort to avoiding the conversation all together or creating fictional stories in order to maintain love from their child. Often, custodial parents create a situation where the child loves them most over their other parent or refuses to go see the other parent. By personally creating a negative outlook on the other parent to the child, this parent is choosing actions to alienate the non-custodial parent. Alienating the other parent is evident through actions expressed from the child. These actions are referred to as Parental Alienation Syndrome and contain several different criteria and characteristics to determine if your child in fact suffers from PAS.

The first criteria of PAS is evident through access and contact blocking by part of the custodial parent. This parent will block any and all access or contact between the child and the opposite parent. This is primarily evident in situations where one parent lives out of town and cannot easily contact the child. The custodial parent will block telephone calls or refuse to answer the phone, plan to be out of town or area when the other parent plans to visit or refuses to send the child to spend time with the opposite parent. The custodial parent often imprints onto the child that they are the superior parent and the non-custodial or visiting parent does not have proper parenting skills. In these situations, the child often does not have a say and may not even know the non-custodial parent is attempting to contact them. The child may often ask about the non-custodial parent; however the custodial parent will brush off the questioning by saying things like "They just don't love you" or "they don't want to see you anymore." This parent is often viewed as an annoying acquaintance and an inconvenience to the child's life. In this situation, the custodial parent will stop at no means to ruin any relationship between the child and non-custodial parent. This is a situation where the child has no say in anything that happens and is pretty much "locked away" from the other parent.

The second criteria establishes false accusations from the custodial parent toward the non-custodial parent. The custodial parent reports abuse, such as sexual abuse to a court or processor during a divorce or dissolution process as an attempt to keep the parent away from the child. Circumstances including false accusations often take place in situations where small children are involved as they are easier to manipulate by the false allegations. The form of abuse a parent accuses the other parent can be sexual, physical, or emotional; each possessing their own set of challenges to prove or disprove during a divorce process. If one facet of an accusation is founded to be false, generally, a psychologist or evaluator will discard all accusations of abuse. This type of PAS is often displayed by the parent seeking primary custody as proving that a parent is abusive is grounds for loss of any custody and visitation and may result in no visitation for the non-custodial parent or limited supervised visitation. False reports of child abuse are often evident after consistent refusal of visitation as the custodial parent may use abuse allegations as a way to ensure you will not be able to visit with the child.

The third criteria is considered a deterioration of the relationship between parent and child since separation. This criteria is evident when, prior to divorce, both parents shared equal parenting and spent roughly the same amount of time with the children in accordance to work schedules. Although this may be a situation that occurs naturally due to the non-custodial parent moving away, any blocking or restricting of contact is considered to influence a deterioration of a parent and child relationship. If both parents were involved in the life of the child before the divorce or separation took place, each parent should be entitled to nearly 50% of a time share with the child. This is a simple request when both parents live in the same town and can maintain custody of the child while allowing the child to have the same friends, attend the same school, and live the same lifestyle from two different homes. If the parent does not live close enough for a 50/50 time share, the custodial parent should work with the non-custodial parent to establish a healthy relationship with the child. By refusing to work on a visitation schedule, allow parenting time between the child and non-custodial parent because it does not fit your schedule or keeping the child away from the parent for no legitimate reason can result in a drastic deterioration of the relationship.

The fourth and final criteria used to evaluation Parental Alienation Syndrome is expressed through an intense fear reaction by the child. The child is often found in a situation where the custodial parent created an atmosphere where everything has to be their way or there will be serious consequences. This parent will create a fear based environment where the child is afraid to go visit the other parent. The custodial parent may create a mentality in the child where any contact with the non-custodial parent is a form of neglect or disrespect for the custodial parent. This child often fears that they will lose love from the custodial parent and refuse visitation because of the custodial parent's influence over the situation. This form of alienation is difficult in older children as they often learn to manipulate the situation and turn one parent against the other in order to benefit their needs. This form of PAS is most evident and recognized by evaluators during divorce or separation process. This criteria is often seen after a custody arrangement is established as the custodial parent will use manipulation to steer the child away from the non-custodial parent.

Parental alienation is viewed by most states as a form of child abuse. To prove PAS, a non-custodial parent should log all events that could reflect alienation. Keep a log of refused phone calls, denied visitation, or any other forms of interference between parent and child. Log situations where the child says anything out of the ordinary such as "you used to hit me when I was a child" or "mommy said you did bad things to me" or anything that could be viewed as a parent manipulating the child into believing the parent hurt them. In general, you know your child better than any other person or professional. You know how to recognize normal behavior in the child and have the ability to determine when something wrong is happening. If a custodial parent interferes with the relationship to the point of outright refusing to allow you to see the child, file a motion for contempt or modification as soon as possible. Consider hiring a lawyer who specializes in child abuse or PAS situations. A parent who conducts PAS can lose all custodial rights of the child.